The Time I Cried in the WalMart Parking Lot Because I Didn’t Speak in Tongues
A Quick Retrospective
MY PROMOTION TO YOUTH PASTOR
The week I turned 20, I also took the reigns as the newest youth pastor at my rural Assemblies of God church. I didn’t have any schooling or ministry experience, but I liked to study the Bible and I had been attending the youth group myself for the past three years.
I suppose, since I was no longer going to be a teenager, it seemed an easy choice to just make me the youth minister? Sure. Why not?
I actually sort of thought it was meant to be a temporary arrangement. We had lost the previous youth pastor due to the fact that he was a young, unmarried, predatory fellow. He was found out for his drinking with minors whom he had met at the church. He was also reported for messaging girls asking them to join him in compromising situations. That guy left town quietly after things came out.
This fellow was deemed a good fit because his mother was well known in our region as a music minister. If we compared credentials, I guess we’d be on pretty even ground. Except that I also had a respected prophetic minister turn to my pastor one day, while praying for me at the altar call, and say pointedly “Here is your next youth pastor.”
I don’t remember if the predatory fellow was hired after my prophetic mandate or after, but I digress.
This story isn’t about something the prophets told me or about a predator in the pews. This story is about the time I cried in the WalMart parking lot because I didn’t speak in tongues…
Assemblies of God & The Baptism of the Holy Spirit
One of the tenants of the faith that the Assemblies of God holds to that makes them unique to other denominations is the belief that all believers can and should receive the gift of tongues, and that speaking in unknown tongues is the initial evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
The baptism in the Holy Spirit is understood as a unique, secondary experience to the initial salvation and infilling of the Spirit. This special, spiritual baptism endows the believer with special power both to express the gifts of the Spirit and to better walk in holiness.
Many point to the dove alighting on Christ at His baptism and His subsequent ministry of miracles as a template for what it should look like for believers who are baptized with the Holy Spirit.
Likewise, the disciples in the upper room on the day of Pentecost are pointed to as receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, tongues of fire lighting upon them and speaking in foreign languages, which kicked off the miraculous ministries of the Apostles.
It is believed that the baptism of the Holy Spirit is something that is meant for all believers, and those involved in Assemblies of God churches will often preach as if it is the pinnacle of the Christian experience, the key to revival, and the missing element in those poor “dead churches” that don’t preach the full gospel. (Sure. Why not?)
The Assemblies of God (USA) Official Website features position papers outlining their beliefs on this subject. Below is an excerpt from their paper on Baptism in the Holy Spirit:
“The most distinguishing features of the baptism in the Holy Spirit are that: (1) it is theologically and experientially distinguishable from and subsequent to the new birth,
(2) it is accompanied by speaking in tongues, and (3) it is distinct in purpose from the Spirit’s work of regenerating the heart and life of a repentant sinner.”https://ag.org/Beliefs/Position-Papers/Baptism-in-the-Holy-Spirit
When you attend an AG church, you pity the Christians who haven’t received this baptism- a full immersion in the Spirit. And when you attend an AG church and you don’t speak in tongues, you are pitied.
I cannot count the number of altar calls I stood for, looking for God to touch my lips with some holy coal from heaven and cause me to babble. But, it just never happened.
Not to worry- There are strategies we can try to get you out of your pitiful state (bless your heart)...
STRATEGIES FOR RECEIVING TONGUES
- Start talking. What syllables come to mind? Just say them, and more will come. Think of yourself like a baby, and say something like“Dada” over and over until God gives you more words.
- Stop talking. If you’re praying, you’re not receiving. If you’re talking in your known language, you won’t receive the heavenly language.
- Stop thinking. You could be letting your mind get in the way of your heart. Your intellect will try to distract your spirit-man from entering into the things of God. Shut that brain off!
- Strive for it. You have to want it! You have to really, really want it. Get hungry for what God has for you & that will please Him.
- Stop striving for it. You want it too much. You’re trying so hard that it’s proving to God that you have no faith. Just relax and trust God to give you the gift.
I’ve heard all of these things. I’ve tried all of the tips. I was in that Assemblies of God church for years, attending Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, midweek youth group, summer tent revivals, special meetings, prayer meetings, the works.
By the time I was asked to take over the youth ministry, I still had not spoken in tongues, and eventually the stigma associated with not being “baptized in the Holy Spirit” caught up to me.
Uncontrollable Tears
I met my senior pastor once a week to talk about how things were going in the church. I would share how the youth were receiving from God. My pastor would share what he was planning to preach about on Sunday. We would discuss how to get youth kids interested in coming to Sunday services. There was a predictable rhythm to our meetings, until the day came that brought me to uncontrollable tears.
The pastor asked me how I thought that I could lead the youth ministry if I had not been baptized in the Holy Spirit.
That question was like a gut punch.
I already had so much internal guilt and frustration and confusion based on my lack of tongue talking. I had asked God for years and years to give me this important gift of gab. But, it just didn’t come to me and I wasn’t going to fake it or make it up and hope it turned into something real later.
I began to cry.
Do you know the type of crying where you can’t compose yourself enough to say a single word to the person you’re trying to communicate with? It’s the cry that you produce when you’re a little kid with no emotional control and you experience being misunderstood or rejected for the first time.
I was crying that deep, rejected cry.
My loss of emotional control made my pastor ask a follow up question about what could be blocking me from receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit, since obviously there was something hedging me in.
I’m not sure, in that moment, if my pastor assumed I was a false convert, or that I had a demon, or a generational curse, or what! I can only imagine.
I did compose myself at some point. I left that meeting with a print-out of the Assemblies of God 16 Fundamentals Truths. Scripture references were listed for each point of the AG denomination’s most staunch teachings.
I got into my car and began driving away from home.
I didn’t want to go home. I lived with my siblings and my parents, and I wanted to be alone. I drove toward the next town over and ended up in the WalMart parking lot. I cried more. I read the print-out and looked up all of the scripture references.
The references made me more confused and less convinced that the fundamental truth that tongues is the initial outward evidence of the baptism of the Holy Spirit was true.
I simply came to the conclusion that if these verses were the best that the denomination had to make their case, their case was pretty weak. Yet, here I was in a position where I was teaching under their banner.
I was their youth pastor for almost 4 years.
I never did speak in tongues.
I wasn’t the only person in the church who didn’t speak in tongues. I also wasn’t the only person in that place in quiet disagreement with the Fundamental Truths. There were always whispers of disagreement from people in the church, particularly on this topic.
Some said that prophecy could also be evidence of the Baptism; others said that the fruit of the Spirit was the real evidence; others said that miracles done through your hands were the actual evidence; some also thought that maybe tongues could be a gift that laid dormant in some believers for an unspecified length of time after being Baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I had no special affinity for the Assemblies of God, I must confess.
I stayed in the denomination for many years, but it was simply because I loved my local church.
In retrospect, I wish that I had known more about the differing opinions that lie within Christendom. There is a reason we have see so many denominations represented around the world. There are a wide variety of beliefs and understandings of doctrine within the Body of Christ.
It has been nothing short of enriching learning about theology and hearing the opinions of those who are from different denominations than what I grew up with.
More than any other theological lesson I have learned, I value the idea of fidelity to scripture. God has truly given us all that we need in His Word.
The Apostles of Christ put in an admirable and arduous effort to leave us the teachings of Christ and His Kingdom, and we far too often take it for granted.
I recall how Peter speaks about his “bucket list” containing one item- to repeat his teachings and leave behind a legacy of easily accessible teachings for the believers to refer back to.
“I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things.”
2 Peter 1:13–15, ESV
If a new prophetic word, a new religious practice, an allegorical interpretation, or the experiences of man are needed to support doctrine- it’s simply not good doctrine.
“For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.”
2 Peter 1:21, ESV
My Personal Fundamental Truth
All of my spiritual & religious beliefs should be derived from and strengthened by scripture. If I can’t be convinced by the Scripture, I’m unlikely to become convinced.
Funny, it’s almost like the Apostles had it right and we modern folks just keep reinventing the wheel.
I would like to dive more into the roots of this Baptism in the Holy Spirit doctrine, as it is quite a layered doctrine. There is the Azusa Street Revival to be covered; the disappointment surrounding the mission trips that came out of Azusa to foreign lands. The adoption of the teaching of the private prayer language and the tongues of angels. Not to mention the many cult communities which experienced tongues before Azusa.
That’s a lot to cover at the tail end of a “The Time I…” story, however. If you are interested in learning more, there are people smarter than me who have done a lot of research.
I’ll pop a few links below, and you can go down the rabbit hole yourself. I’ve been there before. It’s a strange place, but you’ll likely find it enlightening.
Godspeed.
