Predators in the Pews
Discernment & Why We Need It
The Time I Was Creeped Out by A Fellow Congregant
When I was 17 I started attending church regularly with my mom and younger sister. The people on Sundays were kind to my mom, who always sort of felt like an outcast in churches she had tried in the past, and the kids at the youth group were The Simpsons fanatics, which my sister and I related to.
We would spend several years feeling like that place was a second home and making familial connections with others who attended.
On Sunday mornings, church folk have unofficial assigned seating- everybody pretty much ends up in the same area every week.
Every week, you could find my sister and I sitting together at the back of the church. We were perched in the upper level, overlooking the sea of burnt orange carpet and the small town congregants in the green upholstered pews. Very ’70s chic.
To the left of us was the guitar player’s wife, running the sound equipment. Guitar Guy and his wife were really sweet, grandparent-type figures to us back then. They even bought me my first car, which later was handed down to my sister to become her first car.
Yes, these church people were genuine, giving people, and I naively expected them all to be good people… which brings me to the couple who sat behind us.
Behind us was an older couple, probably in their sixties; the wife was quiet and looked like your typical sweet church lady; a little frumpy, a little overweight, but always sweet. Her husband was dark skinned, with a thick mustache, and dressed business casual most of the time. He also always had candy, and he would offer it to us during church. There’s a fun stranger danger cliche.
Mustache Man would talk to us about dogs, mostly. Oh, there’s another cliche- the stranger who has a puppy they want to show you! My sister loves dogs and this guy claimed he was interested in training dogs, or something. There was a lot of dog chat.
Fast forward about 5 years- I was still attending church each week, but the couple who sat behind me had not been attending regularly anymore. It was pretty rare to see Mustache Man in church, though his wife still came occasionally.
Around this time, I got a job at the local thrift store. I noticed that Mustache Man was coming in regularly to browse the aisles.
I greeted him the first time I noticed him there, and we chatted briefly.He asked me where I go on my lunch breaks.
I told him that we had a break room, and I stayed on site. He asked if he could buy me McDonalds. I insisted that I had lunch covered, but he named items off the menu, trying to get me to agree to having McDonalds brought to me. I kept saying no thanks, and he finally went on his way.
All day I thought about that interaction and how it didn’t feel quite right.
Mustache Man came through my line to make a purchase a week or so later; I believe he was buying a dog crate. He asked me about the T-shirt I was wearing. There was a cool cross design on the shirt.
When I explained where I bought the cool T-shirt, he made the comment, “It looks good on you.”
Something about the way he phrased that comment made me feel like he was more interested in my body than the T-shirt. I was officially creeped out.
I reported the Mustache Man’s comments to my store supervisors the next day because it was weighing heavily on my mind.
The disgust that my female supervisor expressed & the concern from my male manager reassured me that I wasn’t crazy for feeling weirded out by this guy.
Mustache Man came back on the very day that I had reported him, but I avoided him and he didn’t seek me out.
I told my mom and some ladies at the church what had happened and how it didn’t feel right.
Soon, word of my story got to the church guitar player and his wife. Guitar Guy approached me and asked to hear the details. He reacted to my tale by letting out a disappointed sigh and saying “I thought we were done with this.”
It turns out that Mustache Man had previously done some time in jail. Why? Oh, because he had an extramarital affair with a local girl who was intellectually disabled. He also held her at his home over the course of a weekend while his wife was out of town dealing with serious health problems. That weekend episode caused him to be jailed for some time.
Guitar Guy assured me that I didn’t need to worry. Folks from the church were going to let his wife know what had happened so he could be confronted and told to leave me alone.
I remember praying and worrying a lot for my safety after I learned this information, but I never saw Mustache Man again.
I am grateful that my story ended so uneventfully. I know others who were not so fortunate, who learned the hard way that not all self-professing Christians are what they seem.
Too often we see well known Christian leaders revealed by the media and their victims to have been living a double life.
On Sundays these people stand as a beacon of inspiration, while in their off-time they are manipulative, narcissistic, lecherous monsters.
Learning Discernment
Everyone at church is family. They are safe people; they are trustworthy people; they are God’s people. Right?
There are many houses of worship filled with naive children and adults, primed to trust anyone so long as they become a frequent, friendly face in the Sunday service.
The Bible talks about the depravity of mankind, false conversion, wolves in sheeps’ clothing, those who use the gospel message as a way to gain for themselves material wealth, and others who exploit the grace of God as a license to sin.
These are not popular topics. However, they are the very topics that will help a person to identify these predators on the prowl in their midst.
Firstly, these topics of study help us to be un-surprised by the existence of the ungodly in our churches.
Secondly, these topics of study give us the godly blueprint for how to defend ourselves and others, while keeping our faith & integrity intact.
Essentially, what we need to learn by way of studying these unpopular topics, is the art of discernment.
Discernment has too often been classified as a mystical gift. A sixth sense. An ethereal knowing.
Discernment is simply making a judgment. Making a judgment about if something is good or evil, if a person is genuine or bogus.
We have to begin to learn to make good judgment calls, and we start with the word of God. We must revere and treasure and take seriously the writings that have been entrusted to us by His Spirit.
In the opening of his letter, Jude speaks of how he would love to speak about the glory of our salavation- a very fun topic! But, he felt it necessary to talk about the need to fight for the faith. Why? Because he recognizes there are ungodly people who have made their homes in the midst of the assembly of believers…
Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints. For certain people have crept in unnoticed who long ago were designated for this condemnation, ungodly people, who pervert the grace of our God into sensuality and deny our only Master and Lord, Jesus Christ.
Jude 1:3–4, ESV
Jude goes on to share great wisdom about how to identify and deal with those who are not bearing the fruit of the Spirit & who mangle the gospel of Christ.
Jude emplores the church to become discerning and take action.
A discerning church will give grace to those who are struggling with sin and give the boot to those who are harboring it.
A discerning church will give instruction to those who are struggling with doctrine and give rebuke to those who are spreading heresies.
A discerning church will defend the faith.
A discerning church will protect the vulnerable.
I pray that we would all hold ourselves accountable to become more discerning and to defend the faith entrusted to us.
I pray that our churches would become safe, discerning places where wolves would not feel safe to lay down and nap amongst the sheep.
God bless you.
You are not alone.
Go read the rest of Jude!
